I once read that it's always the truly cool people that tend to be fashionably late. The writer apparently has never met me. I'm never on time. (Ba-dum-cha!) But I make up for it by being self-effacing once I get there.
That's why it's appropriate that I'm five months behind on the Internet meme of a 13-year-old homeschooler explaining his views on conservatism. (Side note: I was also fashionably late on the definition of "Internet meme.") Being a homeschooler for ten years, I felt obligated to share, plus, coincidentally, the kid gave his speech at CPAC in February, where I happened to be. Why didn't I see it? I was--you guessed it--fashionably late that day. (For those who aren't up on their political conference lingo, your coolness factor just went up two points and CPAC stands for Conservative Political Action Conference.)**
Now, speaking of coolness factors, plain and simple, this kid hasn't got 'em. He's sharp–I can tell by his pointed head–but even at such a young age he typifies why the words "conservative" and "nerd" are as natural bedfellows as "politician" and "prostitute." It's too bad, really. Conservatives have got the force of logic and history on their side, but they all-to-often have the force of sweater vests, bow ties (Tucker Carlson, anyone?), and bowl cuts, too.
I've read Russell Kirk. I know that conservatism is rooted in hundreds of years of sound tradition and, by extension, the past, but that doesn't necessitate our leaders looking and sounding like they're stuck there, does it? (That's a rhetorical question.) In fact, I think conservatives have more of a need to present themselves with a modern edge on the surface to counterbalance the aged wisdom that lies at their core.
Just as the Evangelical church has updated its packaging to appeal to a modern culture yet retained its relevance with a tried-and-true Message, so too can conservatives revamp their image without sacrificing principles. Maybe the Republican members of Congress could start showing up fashionably late for their sessions and shimmy to their seats like these folks. (Late Internet meme #2 and fabulous wedding idea #1!)
Without further ado, partially because it's late but moreso because I'm beginning to sound too much like Meghan McCain for my own comfort, here's the video. Discuss.
**Clarification: my body was at CPAC, but my spirit had checked out after the 17th time I was asked, "What do YOU do?" In CPAC-speak, that means, "Why are you important in life, and why should I be talking to you instead of the 600 other schmos in the room?" Fortunately, the conversations didn't last long, likely owing as much to my answer as to the questioner's (correct) sense that I was visually imprinting a large "L" on their forehead as they explained how they were going to change the world ... by working at a non-profit.
Note:I've since reformed and now only visually stamp "Jesus Loves You" on people's foreheads while glazing over during conversation.