3.25.2009

Tea Parties Going the Way of Godiva? (Lady, not Chocolate)

Today, I received an invite to speak at one of those Tea Parties that the media insists on refuses to tell us about.

Count me in: I love parties. I love tea. And, I love hate taxes.

Upon receiving the invite, the question of what I would say lasted for but a moment before the more pressing question of what I would wear took preeminence.

Now, I hear from my invitor that there's a free t-shirt in it for me, but I've been to enough political rallies to know that the free t-shirts are always "one-size-fits-all." And, by “all” I've come to realize they literally mean the t-shirt would fit all who are at the rally at the same time.

While I'm as fond of rocking a tent-shirt as the next guy, I may take a slightly different approach and wear _____. (For the non-esoteric minded, blank space = nothing.)

In the interest of full exposure, er, disclosure, this isn’t an original idea. Having aspired to be a porn star as a small child. (*see below post for the full story*) and now a political activist as an adult, I couldn't help but feel a tug at my heartstrings when I came across this: Porn Star Strips to Protest Financial Crisis.

For those too lazy to click the link, an Italian porn star stripped down to show her, uh, dissatisfaction over the financial crisis. She wore only her panties and an Italian flag painted on her body.

In response to this display of political passion, Robert Paul Reyes writes:

“In America tea parties are in vogue to protest taxes and the economic crisis, and my reaction is: Blah! Leave it to an Italian to think outside of the box and come up with a sexy and innovative way to protest taxes.”

Mr. Reyes' outright nose-thumbing at the American way (of protesting taxes) and its women is sheer effrontery. To leave his words unchallenged, would itself be an affront to the proud can-do, never-to-be-outdone American spirit.

So, in the name of all that is patriotic and good (including parties and tea but not taxes), let me say that I can assure Mr. Reyes that “Blah!” will not be his reaction if he happens to end up at a Tea Party where I’m in attendance.

My guess is that “God Bless America!” (or, possibly “God, get her that t-shirt quick!”) will be his response.
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*Confessions of a child wannabe porn star.*

As a small child, my family used to drive past a giant billboard bearing (and baring) a pretty blonde girl. I didn’t know what she was advertising, but I did know I wanted to grow up to be just like her. True story, folks.

It was years later that I realized growing up to be just like her would mean working nights at the local "Nutty" club. Yeah, at the time, my mom told me that N-U-D-E was pronounced "nutty," and so a “nude club” was actually a comedy club where you went to hear nutty jokes. Nice, mom.

Back to the billboard: keep in mind that we were on our way to church when we passed this sign. Also keep in mind that my dad is a preacher. Makes it even better doesn’t it?

In hindsight, it’s no wonder that his hair had fully grayed by the time I was 5-years-old. I suppose the fact that it’s now white also can be added to my list of daughterly accomplishments. I’m not sure which achievement he’ll be most proud of—my turning his hair white or my turning into The Official Lady Godiva of the Tax Day Tea Party.
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UPDATE 1: The man responsible for my new Lady Godiva persona, Robert Paul Reyes, responds with this: Suzanna Logan to Strip at Tax Day Tea Party. What he meant to say is "Suzanna Logan to Strip at Tax Day Tea Party if her father doesn't kill her first."

UPDATE 2: Via Front Porch Republic: Less Taxes or Less Clothes!

UPDATE 3: Insta-Lanche! Welcome Instapundit readers! You may remember me from Pivotal Life Moments. Also, hat tip and a wink to folks from Red State, The Liberty Papers, The Other McCain, Right Wing News, and Moe Lane!

UPDATE 4: Lady Godiva’s gone to a Tea Party in this fun little ditty set to the Beatle’s Lady Madonna: Lady Godiva, clothing at your feet. I'll be at a Tea Party we should meet.

UPDATE 5: Donald Douglas asks the question, “Why be conservative?” The obvious answer? Naked Tea Parties.

UPDATE 6: Cross-posted at Taki's Magazine.

*Note: I wasn't gunna go here, buuuut:

UPDATE 7: Because as the saucy bad girl Mae West once said, "Too much of a good thing is wonderful," I hereby invite you to a Tea Party Wrestle-O-Rama between moi and Monique "hotMES" Stuart.

UPDATE 8: Our wrestling referee Cynthia Yockey protests hotMES and I getting rough in the buff, which would make sense, except she’s a lesbian. HotMES, maybe we should be hitting the gym rather than a Tea Party?

UPDATE 9: I was feeling rather guilty about the whole Naked Jello Wrestling thing, but if it's for the children ….

11 comments:

  1. I am SOOOO glad to have invited you.

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  2. Anonymous26.3.09

    You are one gifted writer. I laughed so hard!
    Where did you learn this satire (not a question to be answered but rather an exclamation)? I had hoped you would have more comments to this blog.

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  3. Wow...

    When you took your recent five day walkabout from the blog, I thought you were going to come back differently than you have... I was under the (obviously mistaken) impression your intent was to tone it down a little, but instead, you're becoming a veritable verbal rule 5 blogger...

    Since God gave it to you, I believe you probably ought to use it, be it verbal skills or other attributes... (...but it's probably a good idea to stay off the billboards... THOSE billboards, anyway... 8>)

    Hope you'll be warm enough while you're out teabagging... (and if you ain't, some kind, good looking, and unmarried gentleman will be good enough to offer some sort of help, in that regard...)

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  4. Ms. Logan - you make me proud to be an American. I would like to take this time to state that not only will I be in attendance to express my avid support in protesting the rampant legalized plunder of the American people by the Federal government, I will also be insuring, at gun point, that any and all advances towards Lady Godiva are of the most noble intent.

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  5. Anonymous, Suzanna would have more comments on the blog, except that she moderates the comments and deletes all proposals of marriage (which she reserves for her private consideration, as Prince Harry of Windsor recently learned(.

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  6. Hm....

    Ask not what your country can do for you, Ms. Logan, ask what you can do for your country!


    And if the answer is "strip naked at a tea party protest", who am I to judge?

    God bless America.

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  7. Sounds like a great idea! After, the tea parties were already pretty stupid, but I guess with a little work they could get even more stupid and waste even more of peoples' time rather than encouraging them to actually do something effective.

    Good job.

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  8. Lil Sexy26.3.09

    Will Lady Godiva give us a sneak peak? For the sake of America!?!

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  9. Anonymous26.3.09

    I love GNHVII's comment

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  10. Don't go pointing those things at people! You could put somebody's eyes out! ;)

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  11. I'd hate to see Gene Veith that embarassed.

    Patrick Henry must be much more of a party school than I had realized.

    If I were shallow and only went by looks and wit, I'd propose, too. But I have this thing about getting to know a gal, first. :-)

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